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For I Know the Plans I have For You Says the Lord



Fear controlled my life for a long time. It is one of my biggest insecurities that I still deal with. Usually, it's when I am not spending time with God.

In times of fear, I used to think the following things about myself.

I am a failure.
I am not good enough.
I am worthless.
I tried my best and it wasn't good enough.
Nobody loves me unless I am successful.
I will never stop struggling.
Is this punishment for something I did?

This is a dangerous game, God says.

I used to believe these things about myself. I believed them deep down in my soul. It was because I didn't know what God said about me or to me in the Bible.

Those vicious thoughts taunted me, abused me, lied to me, and manipulated me until I was so broken I couldn't hear the voice of God. I couldn't hear Him if all of the noise was drowning Him out.  Before I  finally heard from Him, I started seeking help in worldly ways.

I did a lot to numb the emotional pain of not being good enough and believing I'd never be happy and content.

But one of my favorite scriptures offers me hope when I read it.

Jerimiah 29:11 (English Standard Version)

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope. 

This scripture, plain and simple outlines what it means to be a child of God, and that it may not be easy, but He promises the struggle will be worth it.

Remember what I said about being in the wilderness in my last post? Yea, I don't like the idea of camping. Gimme the indoor plumbing and shelter away from the bugs any day of the week.

The wilderness used to give me anxiety; it would be miserable and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was not prepared for it and that made my past experience dreadful. I remember saying when I was 23 that I just wanted to skip to age 30.

Now that I'm "camping" here, I am joyful, grateful, and at peace. I have to make the best of it, and I had to change my negative attitude of complaining and feeling sorry for myself to do it.

 I heard this in a Joyce Meyer seminar on a cd, and she said it so well,

 "How you wait in the wilderness determines how long you're going to stay there." 

One thing that has been especially on my mind lately is that happiness is fleeting, but internal joy and security comes from rejoicing and glorifying God, from reading the Bible, listening to His messages in music and by reading books that glorify Him.

Now, I am at peace, and dare I say it...

I'm happy joyful camping! I am at peace and enjoying the time I get to spend with my husband, my puppy, and my whole family. I've gotten to spend more time with my parents, my sister, and my in-laws. I was always working when they did hang out on weekends and holiday weekends.

I am blessed and I am so grateful for this opportunity to allow me to strengthen my bond with Jesus. I am learning a lot about myself and getting to pursue things I was too busy to do when I was working. I get to pursue guitar and music, I am not minding this keeping house thing, we have a house and roof over our heads, we can afford food, and we can pay our bills.  We are not struggling. We have health insurance, and I can take care of my health without scheduling concerns or money concerns.

It made me see what the really important things are. It's a spirit of thankfulness that not only pleases God, but truly helped me develop my relationship with Jesus and learn that He provides for me. Not the idea of "happiness," not a job, not a spouse, and not myself.

While, I'm not enjoying the difficulties of my situations, but I am rejoicing in knowing that I am a child of God and He has great plans for my life. I trust Him with all my life. I don't live in fear anymore.

 He has plans for all of us. He loves each and every one of us. He created us with special gifts to glorify Him and that is where true contentment comes from.










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