I have some great friends who have made some insightful observations about me in the past month. I'm going to warn you, this is long.
I am blessed to have them in my life and absorb their insights. We got together a few days ago and I believe God is using them to get a message to me.
I believe God placed these women in my life for a reason.
Even if you are not a Christian, it just kind of seems the universe has a way of connecting us with people when we need them most.
I told my friend AJ about how I used to write a blog, and she just bluntly asked me,
"Why haven't you been doing that [blogging]?"
I didn't have a good answer. I felt ashamed. I hadn't been writing regularly since 2018. I had to ask myself the same question.
I have a little perfectionist meanie who lives in my head. I named her Ethel and she convinced me this writing part of my life was over. I wasn't a writer anymore.
She says these things over and over again to me.
- "No one wants to read your blog."
- "You shouldn't out yourself as a Christian."
- "You shouldn't write anymore"
- "You should waste time on social media, you enjoy this addiction too much. You can't break it"
- "You should never try any other career because you will fail at it. You've failed at all the others."
- Student loans are super expensive. You see how well your first bachelor's degree did for you. What makes you think another one will be worth it?"
I was getting lost in social media for hours at a time.
Our church does a fast at the beginning of the year and I forgot about it this year. AJ sent me a text asking me if I was participating. She didn't ask me why, but she left me with one little nugget of wisdom in her text.
"Just remember, fasting is something you should still make time for in your life." I believe fasting doesn't have to be from food necessarily, but it is to eliminate distractions from the things that take us away from what really matters in our lives.
I decided to do a fast from social media. I deleted the apps from my phone and put a blocker on my browser that redirects my page away from this massive time-sucker. You can call it a fast, a break, a challenge, whatever. The goal is the same.
I am 29 days in. And I'm telling you, it has been fantastic and incredibly freeing. I don't need to get into all the details--but I do not have this pending sense of dread and anxiety stirring in the pit of my stomach. I have a feeling of peace.
I feel so free.
If you are dealing with feelings of anxiety, depression, or any kind of sadness, I would strongly recommend taking a break from social media. I don't think time away from social media ever hurt anyone. It certainly will not cure clinical depression and I am not claiming it will, but I think you'll be better off.
I did not realize the impact it would have on me.
Both my friends are very articulate, well-spoken women. But my friend SP, I always learn something from her.
I met with her at Starbucks to catch up since we hadn't gotten together since the beginning of the year. We were discussing what was new in our lives, she pointed something out to me I had never noticed about myself.
"You describe yourself as a lot of things you are NOT." "I am NOT organized, I am NOT disciplined," etc.
The words coming out of my mouth were doubtful, half-hearted, and sounded like I didn't believe in myself. This quote applies, I think.
"Watch your thoughts for they become your words.
Watch your words because they become your actions.
Watch your actions, because they become your habits.
Watch your habits for they become your character.
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny."
--Lao Tzu
My words did become my actions, my actions did become my habits, and my habits did become my character.
She helped me see if I kept speaking those words, they would become my destiny too.
Matthew 12:37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
I was condeming myself with those words. Words are powerful.
If you want some secular quotes that say the same things, they are out there too. Here's one.
SP had one more brilliant observation for me. We were discussing something about how our pastor delivers messages, and I was not in agreement on how he delivered a particular message. And she said, "he's just evangelizing in the way he knows how."
"Evangelizing."
I have a lot to unpack with this word.
I'm not here to debate your stance on hot-button issues. I am not here to bring atheists to church. I'm not out here trying to convert anyone. I don't think my religious beliefs are better than anyone else's. I know people of all religions and people who don't have one at all. Your religion or lack thereof, does not dictate the kind of person you are.
I took a spiritual gifts test several times. Each time, it says one of my top spiritual gifts is "evangelism." Up until recently, I didn't know what to do about this "gift". I am not a preacher. Confrontation is hard for me. I do not want people to see me as some sort of evangelical psycho Christian bigot who is judging them.
In my experience, traditional evangelism backfires and alienates people who could really benefit from a relationship with Jesus Christ. That is the exact opposite of evangelism.
Well-meaning people will speak about a particular sin, focus on one sin--and that happens to be a "sin" someone in the vicinity is experiencing. Somehow that person's sin is so much worse than that of the speaker. If you even know the basics of Christianity, you probably know the biggest part is we believe that Jesus, son of God was crucified to save us from our own sins, because everyone is a sinner. There are no perfect Christians.
Typically, the speaker is not acknowledging that they too have sinned--and it makes them come off like a hypocrite. If you went to a bar or a restaurant and a sign said "no redheads," and you are a redhead, would you want to go to that place?
Didn't think so.
Shame is not the way to convince someone to build their own relationship with Jesus Christ. The Bible teaches us that His love is unconditional and He loves everyone. Yes, even the sinners who are practicing behavior you don't agree with.
I promise, you can't persuade someone to agree with you by telling them they are living the wrong way. There is a time and a place for judgment, and when someone is going through something difficult is not the time. Read the room. If I am going to evangelize, I need to leave my judgment at the door.
If I lead a person to start their own walk with God by showing love, kindness, empathy, gratefulness and respect, I can show people the power of Jesus and the unshakable hope I have that life gets better.
I can pray for them, welcome them, be there for them and love them. I can answer questions and engage in meaningful discussions with them. I can be a shoulder to cry on, I can be a judgment-free safe zone, a good listener and a prayer warrior for them--but what I cannot do, is save someone.
I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
Only God can do that.
I want to show people the love Jesus has shown me, by leading by example. I want people to look at me as a testimony to what Jesus Christ can do. I want people to look at me and say "this person represents qualities of Christ and I think maybe I should possess those qualities too."
* I will just add that I met my friends in a program for young women at the First Baptist Church of Glenarden in a discipleship program called Queen Esther. This is where I "officially" got saved, and made my brilliant friends.The program changed my perspective on life completely. They are starting classes March 17, and asked QE graduates to tag them.
If you are in the DMV area, I would encourage you to see if this is a program you are interested and share with your girlfriends if you are interested in furthering a relationship with Jesus.
#QETakeover, #QueenEsther #QESpotlight
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