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Thieves of Joy

I like to think I am a decent writer. After I wrote my last blog post, I asked one of my writer friends to read it. She said I had inspired HER to deliver her own message through her own blog. That made me ecstatic. My blog had inspired someone to take action. 

Then I read her first draft.  

It was excellent. And then, I almost went down a path--one that says "she is a better writer than me." 

I am insecure about my own writing because I went through some trial periods where people decided to call my work pedestrian, blunt and unprofessional. I now know those people's words should have not have had an effect on me--because guess who is still writing? 

Maybe that insecurity is a writer/creative thing. I think it's called imposter syndrome. By even entertaining the "am I really good enough?" thought, I am opening up my mental home to a thief. 

I have made the mistake of opening the door to let that little criminal come in and rob me blind of my determination, goals, and inner peace! I've left my (mental) house unlocked and then get all surprised Pikachu face when my valuables of peace, confidence, and self-worth are taken from me! 

"Comparison is the thief of joy," Theodore Roosevelt said. Comparison is a great way to make you hate yourself. 

In 1 Peter 5:8 God reminds of us this too: 

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

Christian or not, it is a self-destructive thought. If I even allow that door to be opened, all of my mental peace is stolen. 

My friend and I can BOTH bring our gifts to the table to serve the Lord. One is not "better than the other." She said that by reading and editing each other's work to improve it, we are "iron sharpening iron." She reminded me that there is room for everyone in the kingdom and whatever gift someone brings--belongs. 

I tried to help her re-write a sentence since I was editing her draft, and then I wrote one. I read it and didn't bother sending it because when I read the new sentence, I thought, "that sounds like Cassidy, not Siobhan. This is HER blog, not yours." 

The thief has also come to rob me in other ways--just looking to see if I have left a window open for him. 

I'm going to be honest here, I have not found my dream job. I have been through a series of jobs that have never been 100% the right fit. I have come to the realization that my dream job does not exist.

That fast I did from social media forced me to spend more time with God--still going strong. 

As I was reading a plan in the YouVersion Bible App, before getting into the scriptures the beginning to dive into the scriptures, it answered why I would never be satisfied. [Siri, play Satisfied from Hamilton, okay the musical theatre geek in me had to make a Hamilton joke]. 

I get it now. I copied and pasted it because it was there in front of me. Here's what it said. 

"Our roles or responsibilities in life are not the problem. Our inadvertent idolizing of those roles and attachment to those responsibilities bring destruction and open the door for a thief. This distinction is vitally important. If you feel anxiety about maintaining your roles or potentially transitioning from your responsibilities, then you have been distracted and conned by an unworthy thief." 

I have been seeking fulfillment and identity in my job. I created an idol of it, each time having lost or left a job losing a part of my identity. Every time- it was an existential crisis for me. 
The thief got into the window--even though I had locked the front door.

When someone asked me how I would describe myself, I wasn't really sure what to say. I didn't have a lot of qualities I saw in myself that I thought were worth recognizing. 

If I had to identify myself without the label of "a career," what would I say?  When you stripped that aspect away from me, who was I? 

Here's what I came up with. 

-I am an empathetic, hard-working person who enjoys encouraging other people, singing and playing guitar, and is a resilient survivor. 

What am I? 

Survivor 
Empathetic
Kind 
Encouraging 
Writer 
Child of God 
Lover of Music 
Singer 
Lover of Musicals 

I know I said I am not going to talk about what I am not anymore. But defined by my career is what I am no longer. 

** Please share and like if this message blessed you and you think it could bless someone else. 

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