The Story of Redemption

 I have some great friends who have made some insightful observations about me in the past month.  I'm going to warn you, this is long.  I am blessed to have them in my life and absorb their insights. We got together a few days ago and I believe God is using them to get a message to me.   I believe God placed these women in my life for a reason.  Even if you are not a Christian, it just kind of seems the universe has a way of connecting us with people when we need them most. I told my friend AJ about how I used to write a blog, and she just bluntly asked me,  "Why haven't you been doing that [blogging]?"  I didn't have a good answer. I felt ashamed.  I hadn't been writing regularly since 2018. I had to ask myself the same question.  I have a little perfectionist meanie who lives in my head. I named her Ethel and she convinced me this writing part of my life was over.  I wasn't a writer anymore.   She says these things over...

Fear controlled my life for a long time. It is one of my biggest insecurities that I still deal with. Usually, it's when I am not spending time with God. In times of fear, I used to think the following things about myself. I am a failure. I am not good enough. I am worthless. I tried my best and it wasn't good enough. Nobody loves me unless I am successful. I will never stop struggling. Is this punishment for something I did? This is a dangerous game, God says. I used to believe these things about myself. I believed them deep down in my soul. It was because I didn't know what God said about me or to me in the Bible. Those vicious thoughts taunted me, abused me, lied to me, and manipulated me until I was so broken I couldn't hear the voice of God. I couldn't hear Him if all of the noise was drowning Him out.  Before I  finally heard from Him, I started seeking help in worldly ways. I did a lot to numb the emotional pain of not being good enough ...

Due to COVID-19, I was furloughed and then laid off from a job I loved. I was finally happy with that part of my life, my life and my career were just starting to stabilize. I guess if God can giveth, and He can taketh away! I got a call from my manager this week and my position was terminated . I wasn't the only one, but it didn't make me feel any better. I am angry at the people who got to keep their jobs and I feel a little bit betrayed. I have worked hard to build relationships with my clients and now I no longer have access to my hard work or the fruits of my labor.  I am less angry now. None of the 26 million people who lost their jobs deserved to have their lives uprooted like this. Nobody "deserves" to abruptly have their livelihood stripped away from them. Before I get side-tracked, I am incredibly blessed. I have a loving husband, world's cutest puppy, my husband is still working and getting paid, I am still getting paid, we can pay our mor...